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Sir David Omand head of GCHQ

I had intended to write a serious response to his comments and warnings about our defence, security and intelligence services but as you will read laughter took over.

Thought I was travelling back in time yesterday. I was reading the latest “friendly warning” from Sir David Omand, the head of GCHQ who in a gesture of friendship to our country warned us against “magical thinking”

What was this I thought? The retelling of Cinderella’s story? No it was a modern version of the Big Bad Wolf and a fable of how defenseless poor wee Scotland would be if we found ourselves Independent and defenseless because Trident was no longer available for our protection. It set me wondering if all the other nations that lacked a hugely expensive, totally useless weapons system, you know like Germany, Italy, Greece or countless others, all woke up each day terrified they had no button to push that was capable of wiping out tens of millions of human souls across the globe.

This vulnerability did not come alone. No we couldn’t be a member of NATO either. At this stage I wondered if he had been out for a meal with the Former Secretary General of NATO  George Robertson who warned us back in 2014 that we were vulnerable to attack from outer space unless we saved ourselves by allowing London to plunder our resources instead. The Martian’s were quite insistent about this George explained.. I hope I am not presuming too much here but I am pretty sure if Scotland was wiped out by Mars or Jupiter, or anyone else, including the Klingons, NATO might have something to say, Scotland being a member or not!

Now I am not sure who is running NATO these days but looking at a map of Europe and taking into account the importance of oil in defence matters I struggle to see how NATO would not want a major European oil producer like Scotland inside the club. Worse our rather vital strategic position close to the main routes into the Atlantic from the Baltic for surface ships and submarines would make a Scotland outside the NATO Alliance a bit of a gift to any conflict with say Russia.

Speaking about the Russians he also warned us about these pesky Russians interfering in our elections and here was me much more concerned at interference from London in the same contests. Keeping Cyril out of our contests matters a lot more than Ivan to me.

Likewise any Scots intelligence services would not be as well connected as we are through London. It was hard to take this seriously does he not recognise that James Bond was Scottish and much better loved and respected than that Harry character Michael Caine regularly played. Our interrogation techniques using bagipes and whisky are world famous and have eventually worn down the most determined foreign agents. Told you I was struggling to take him seriously. In fact I have given up trying.

Why now was my next question? Was this an exercise in trying out one of the old Better Together fables of 2014 and seeing what traction it could muster nowadays? If so it must have been a bit of a disappointment. Nobody in Scotland, except Jackie Baillie, wants Trident. Everyone sees it as a huge waste of money and we have much better ideas what the money saved by not having it could be used for.So null points on the Union saving scoreboard with that one.

As for being outside NATO we will just have to see but my money would be strongly on a pre filled application being available on Independence Day and the only debate about membership being within Scotland whether we wanted to join or otherwise.

I have no doubt our intelligence services will do fine, we have an army of expat Scots dug in around the World. I am reliably informed many are often regarded as the life and soul of the Party and can remain on their feet while others, particularly the English wither away overcome with the fumes from the Scotsman’s glass. Yes Jock can be trusted will be our motto and we will share whatever info we come across that might be of use to London using the carrier pigeons MI6 supplied to get us started from the division of UK ASSETS as part of the divorce settlement.

With our huge coastline, our oil assets, our strategic location I have no doubt our American friends will be anxious to keep Scotland on board. Likewise it will be crucial to England, given that we share a land border,  that security against any terrorist threat remains effective so I fear once again UK “concerns” are political rather than real and following Independence all those involved will be anxious to work together effectively in terms of security and intelligence. He was telling lies anyway as he insisted that GCHQ has never spied on the activities of the YES movement. My tip to GCHQ, YOU NEED TO KEEP IT CREDIBLE CHAPS! HAPPY SCAREMONGERING!

I am, as always


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One thought on “TIGHT LIPS, SAVE SHIPS!

  1. Surprise. HMS Tyne in the Moray Firth yesterday serenading Russian ships which were supposedly sheltering. Another choreographed photo opportunity to show how wide open Scotland would be without HM forces ?


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